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[rutherfords]

╰┈➤ cullen open post

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[rutherfords]

She'd spoken to him, but the nightmares had too, hadn't they?

Breathe, Cullen.

The glitter of magic at her hands would have made him wince, once, but it only served to calm him as he watched it disappear nearly as quickly as it had been brought forth: grounding him, in a way. This was not like his nightmares at all. He wasn't a Templar. He wasn't at the Circle tower.

She was not an abomination.

"Lioriley." He forced himself to speak after what felt like hours, but had probably only been a few long seconds. He needed to gather his wits about him as the Commander of the Inquisition. "I did not think... well that is to say, I did not know--" Oh, pardon me, I thought you had died. There were so many things he could have said. Instead, he took a step back and bumped into his desk where something crashed onto the floor.

"Are you the Inquisition's new mage?" His voice cracked as he spoke.

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Hearing him speak her name made her heart skip. Lioriley had not heard that voice in so long it almost didn't sound right.

Or maybe that was just the way it cracked.

Lioriley winced when he hit the desk, watching papers scatter across the floor. She wanted so badly to run and hug him, but feared approaching would only do more harm while he seemingly panicked.

"I know." She thought he was dead too, honestly. And if not dead, more fucked up than he seemed now. "And I am. Should I- would you like me to leave? I am sorry if I startled you..." oh. She could feel herself choking up, tears stinging her eyes.

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"No, no, of course not. My duty to the Inquisition is to welcome everyone and--" Unless it was he making her uncomfortable. Maker's breath, he had not been prepared for any of this when he woke up this morning. "I am no longer a Templar if that is a concern of yours, but I could still find someone else to show you around if...?"

Leliana would throw a fit even if he thought the two of them might get along. The Inquisitor was far too busy... Josephine, perhaps, but then she would ask uncomfortable questions...

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"I was never concerned about that." Not in the tower, not here, not ever. Although she was curious now how he simply... was not one any longer? Weren't there repercussions for that?

She took a tentative step closer, smiling despite the pain in her chest and the tears welling in her eyes. "No. Please. I am truly sorry this has happened so suddenly but I-" a beat. "I missed you."

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He blinked once. Twice.

Had she not heard of the things he'd done after the Circle fell? The things he'd done in Kirkwall? He supposed not. Based on her reaction to seeing him... perhaps she had thought him dead, too.

How was he supposed to tell her how much she should hate him? One could only atone so much for the things they had done. How was he supposed to tell her he had missed her when she still often haunted his dreams as an abomination--his regret that he had not been able to save her.

But that nightmare was not real. Lioriley was. "I missed you too, Lioriley."

[invigorates]

A hand rose to her chest, resting over her heart like she thought that might assuage the way it pounded so rapidly against her ribcage. He missed her. He thought about her - and oh, she would be devastated to know exactly how he had thought about her too. But was it much different than the visions in her own mind of him? Of all the ways she feared he had perished; tortured and broken by the mages he was meant to protect.

For a moment, all she could do was look at him, eyes shimmering with tears and her smile soft; warm and just a little melancholy. Despite the tiny voice in the back of her head suggesting she not - Lioriley bridged the gap and hugged him, if only to truly confirm how real he was.

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Cullen could only watch as she approached as if it happened in slow motion. He opened his arms to pull her in and leaned down, face pressed into her hair. Before... before he could have never done this.

But did he have any right? He pulled back awkwardly, his face burning hot as he did so. "I am glad you have found the Inquisiton a worthy cause to join." And that she was alive and well besides.

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Lioriley gripped him tight, pulling back only when he did, her own dark skin flushed with heat.

She cleared her throat and smoothed down her robes for lack of anything better to do with her hands. "It seemed the wisest option, given my knowledge of magic, the various lands of Thedas, and... other areas." Witnessing abominations firsthand. But Cullen knew that. Did not need a reminder. "You are the Commander now, yes?" She moved to glance out the small window in the stone. "Leading the troops. That is no small feat, Cullen. Well done."

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"I am, yes." He watched her, still in disbelief that she was standing in front of him. The two of them would be working together again for the foreseeable future and... she was his charge once again. Sort of, anyway. "Thank you, but it was through the work of everyone that we were able to make it this far to begin with."

That trudge through the cold had not been great, but finding Skyhold made that suffering worth it. "May I ask... where have you been all this time?"

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"Mm." An amused sort of noise, like she had anticipated that answer. Older, more world-weary, and yet still so similar to the man she had known in the tower, hardly willing to brag about his accomplishments.

It was a question she had anticipated. Lioriley was an apostate - had been for so many years now, and for all Cullen must have known, she had been dead along with the rest of the mages. "About." She answered simply at first. "I left the tower just before they closed it off - escaped in the hopes of finding help and not caring if I suffered for it upon my return. But there was little I could do, and when I heard of what had happened... I just kept moving. Across Ferelden, across the sea to Antiva, Nevarra, Orlais - anywhere I could, searching for knowledge and aiding anyone I was able along the way." She turned back to face him, her smile soft but... tired. "Can I be truthful with you, Cullen?" She asked. "I had feared you long dead, but I thought of you every day. Hoped you were alive still, somehow."

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As he listened to her story... it was no less than what he could have imagined her doing. Lioriley had always been a great mage, and one who put others above herself always. Even if she was now an apostate, his views had changed drastically since Kirkwall. And of all the mages he'd ever met... Lioriley would be the mage he had no doubts of.

Her final words...

Cullen laughed awkwardly, cheeks burning as he crossed his arms. More papers seemed to fly off his desk with the swiftness of his movement, and he kicked the desk in an attempt to lean down to gather them. "Maker..." He sighed, straightening himself to look at her. "I thought you dead too. I... thought of you often." Her smile aimed at him brought back so many feelings he'd buried deep in his heart. "I should have never doubted your strength, but... when the abominations took the tower, they showed me many terrifying things. It seemed hope was too much to have."

[invigorates]

She moved to assist him this time, picking up the papers that had scattered further across the room and setting them on his desk. It drew her closer to him as she leaned her hip against the edge of the desk, palm pressed to the top and her head tilted upward to meet his eyes.

He thought of her? Lioriley had hoped, of course, but never would assume unspoken feelings remained after so long; after such dreadful assumptions had been made. "I'm sorry, Cullen." She offered, knowing it was hardly enough. "But you are here now. I am... words cannot express how happy I am to see you. I hope things have been good for you otherwise. As good as they can be."

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She was close enough again that Cullen was wrapped in the scent of her--of a warm campfire beckoning one into comfort after a long winter storm. How had everything changed, and nothing at the same time? "Now that you are here... things could not be better. Truly." A hesitant hand rests on top of hers. "I am glad you are here. Not just for the Inquisition, but..." his words trailed off.

[invigorates]

But...? She very nearly asked him to continue, but decided that if he wished to voice that thought - he would. Eventually. Lioriley glanced down to their hands, her own turning to gently grip his and squeeze. "I am happy to help the Inquisition, and you."

And again, something was left unsaid. Too soon, perhaps, too add more complicated feelings to the myriad she felt already. "Have you the time to show me Skyhold? If not, I am sure I can wander well enough on my own."

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"Oh--of course!" He stood from the desk without a second thought, hand yanked away from hers as he realized he should have never allowed himself to touch her like that. He nodded toward the door, then said, "Shall we?"

Even if he wished to offer her arm... she was technically his to command, now--to an extent, anyway. As she had ever been, he realized with a frown. He didn't want that power over her. But he had no choice than to be Commander Cullen.

"Have you met anyone else yet? I am certain Leliana and Josephine would wish to speak with you." And then, of course, there was Solas... but he would leave that strangeness for last.

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And just like that, the warmth if his hand vanished. Lioriley frowned despite herself, pulling her hand back to cradle it in the opposite palm for a moment.

She willed herself to smile by the time she looked up, nodding in turn. "Of course." She said, more than happy to follow his lead.

"Only the Inquisitor and, ah. Varric? He is quite the delight."

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Varric was certainly difficult to miss, Cullen thought--not necessarily in a bad way. He tried to think of what others Lioriley might have wished to meet, and planned his route accordingly as he led her from the room.

"If you have any questions--do feel free to stop me."

But he took her out from his office and to the main hall first and foremost. "Everyone gathers here. If you have any questions, this would be the place to start." He didn't want to make this awkward and completely formal, even though he probably... really, he should have. But. "You can of course come to me with anything you might need. I will do my best to make it happen. If the Inquisitor believes in you enough to recruit you by their side, I have no reservations either." Not that he would have anyway.

[invigorates]

Perhaps unsurprisingly, there was one particular place she wished to see above all others - but it was likely the second she was brought to the library, Cullen would have to suffer her talking to Solas and Dorian both for far too long, as well as perusing the tomes offered. Surrounded by books had often been how he had seen her in the circle, too.

"I am sure you are a very busy man." She offered with a smile. "I would hardly wish to bother the Commander of the Inquisition with mundane questions."

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"You'd never be a bother, Lioriley." He said the words without thinking, then coughed. "I mean of course--it is my duty to assist you however I can. You will find your place in the Inquistion soon enough, but my door is always open. Mundane questions or... for other things."

He'd meant for general chatting or invites to dine together, perhaps for them to sit together in silence doing their work--but how had it come off? By the Maker... "Of--of the educational, professional kind of things I mean. Of course."

Skipping ahead lmao

[invigorates]

Lioriley would not have taken it otherwise until Cullen elaborated, his nervousness all but radiating off him and sinking into her. She felt her cheeks flush, and suddenly she was fidgeting with her robes as they walked through the hold on their tour.

"Of course. I will keep that in mind. Thank you, Cullen." She said. Hopefully her calmness would assuage any concerns he had.

Meeting everyone was fairly uneventful. Leliana and Josephine had been busy at the time, but exchanged their pleasantries nonetheless. Vivienne certainly struck Lioriley as someone she could absolutely speak to again especially with her opinions on the circle and how mages were treated. There were some outside still - The Chargers, Cassandra, Cole - but, as expected, the library had enraptured her the moment they stepped foot inside.

And poor Cullen. The instant Solas spoke, Lioriley was equally as enraptured. And now they just would not shut up despite Lioriley insisting every so often that she would only be a moment longer.

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Cullen, for what it was worth, sat as patiently as he was able. His arm rested on the hilt of his blade that he seemed to always carry with him, and he could feel Dorian's amusement radiating from the other side of the library. Every so often Cullen would cough awkwardly only to be ignored or quieted with insistence...

He wandered over to Dorian.

"The new mage looks awfully like your type, Commander."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Dorian did not deign a reply and merely tipped his head over to where she talked to Solas. "A beautiful woman, of course. Though it looks like you have some competition."

Cullen scowled at him. "There is--that is none of your concern." He regretted his movement instantly and moved back to the two elves, Dorian's mocking laughter echoing throughout the library. Another cough. "If you'd rather I leave you here--we can tour the outside tomorrow, or another time--" Or Solas can do it, he thought bitterly.

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Lioriley knew it must have been terribly rude for her to interrupt their tour to speak with Solas. But another elven mage with such intricate and in depth insight into the Fade, the old ways of magic? She could not resist and, apparently, neither could he resist indulging her, given how infrequently he was able to speak at length without someone getting bored or dismissing him. Uncultured, the lot of them.

"Oh, no no!" Lioriley said insistently, grasping his forearm gently like she worried he might actually leave without her. "I am deeply sorry, Cullen. It has just been so long since I was able to speak to another mage like this, especially about such esoteric topics!" And Solas, smarmy man he was, smiled at the both of them. "Yes, my apologies as well, Commander." Then, to Lioriley. "I hope we might speak again soon." And Lioriley nodded excitedly. "Of course."

She squeezed Cullen's arm. "Lead the way."

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Cullen let out a breath as Lioriley grabbed his arm, and he adjusted so that he could more properly lead her as a gentleman should. The outdoors were next, and he pointed out the different areas of Skyhold that she may have found interesting--even if he knew she would spend nearly all of her time in the library. He did linger in the gardens for a moment, explaining the plans the Inquisitor had to refurbish them as well as many other parts of Skyhold.

When they eventually made their way back to the stairway by his office, Cullen hesitated for a moment. "Well, that's really all there is to show..."

He should ask her to have dinner with him.

The words caught in his throat as he tried to say them, ending in a cough and something that sounded like, "Sup - cough - with me?"

[invigorates]

Lioriley was delighted by all of it, making commentary where she could on the structure of Skyhold and the vastness of the courtyard and surrounding lands. She would have to visit the gardens to see their progress- and speak with that odd young man again. What was his name? Cole? What a pleasure he was.

Still holding onto his arm, Lioriley glanced up, confused and smiling awkwardly as she chuckled. "Pardon? I did not quite catch that."

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"By Andraste's..." His words were quiet, muttered under his breath. He coughed again, this time forcing himself to sound vastly more confident than he felt. "Would you like to dine together this evening?"

Perhaps that had been too formal.

"We could--at the tavern, or in my chambers, or... outside. Perhaps." He took a breath and closed his eyes, then smiled at her. "I wish to catch up as much as we are able. I have missed you dearly, and am glad to see you well. I also want to answer any lingering questions you may have about the Inquisition." He paused, then added, "Informally, if we may."